Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
