Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
