There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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