If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
