My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
