Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
