You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
