Is it because I queefed?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
