The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize