Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
