there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
