Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
