with your own penis?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
