Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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