Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
