just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
