What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
