Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pants are for mortals
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
