I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
