How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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