My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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