I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
