SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
