I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
