Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
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Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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