I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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