Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
