they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
