Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
