I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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