party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
