I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
