After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
