Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
