Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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