We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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