How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
