It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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