The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
