Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
