Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there was a trapeze. enough said
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize