I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
