1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There are leaves in my underwear?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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