no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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