yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
