Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
