You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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