I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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