Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
