I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
