actually, I'm a sock model
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
