Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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