i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
