I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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