Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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