I hope mine doesn't look like that
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ruined the universe
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
