I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
