Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
