dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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