Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
