Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
