All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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