I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
