I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
