How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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