Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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