I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
