Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Couch. On fire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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