god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
