Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
