the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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