well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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