onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.