youre lurking in front of me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher