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Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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