But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.