Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
ttyl tear gas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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