Where did you get a picture of my penis
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
